Jesus. You've got this. Do your thing.

I don't have as much time to sit and write as I used to. The thoughts still flow, but rarely make it to documentation. Sometimes the emotions are so overwhelming that I just have to sit and see what comes out.

Infertility. There aren't really words to describe the pain that surrounds this topic that is so hard to even address. Some days are easier than others. Today was crushing. Another month. Another reminder that Ella has no siblings, and none in sight.

What is the reason for all this pain? Why is it so easy for most everyone else? I can't even fathom what it would be like to just "get pregnant". Why does my body feel so broken? Why are the avenues to expand our family SO expensive, invasive, and completely overwhelming?

I don't have the answers to these questions. Do I wish that I could see the end game? Yes. But I have to let it go. And TRUST. Trust that no matter how incredibly painful it is to face yet another month of unknown that God is STILL good. He WANTS us to have more children. HE WANTS us to be fruitful. HE IS GOOD. 

Tonight, the walls around my heart couldn't contain the tears anymore. Ella asked me if I was sad. She doesn't understand, but she knows. She will be such a great big sister someday. 

If you're wrestling tonight as I am, don't give up. Hang on. He's got me. He's got you. <3

Ella Jessica

365 days of having Ella physically with us. One year like we have never known before. So much joy. Some days were taken minute by minute as we navigated so many new unknowns figuring out how to handle each crazy moment. As I sit here in tears, I am reminded why I haven't taken the opportunity to sit and gather these thoughts (and emotions - oh dear!) before now.

Our journey to Ella was long. When I think back to all the years without her, waiting what seemed like an eternity for her to become a reality in my womb, it feels like another life and that she's just always been with us somehow.

My pregnancy went well, filled with many tangible signs that Baby Coblentz was growing -- including a lot of trash can hugging along with heartburn (holy head of hair on that girl) and nightly numb hands. Challenges that I wouldn't have traded for the world knowing that I had prayed for such a time as this!! :) When I started nearing 40 weeks and everyone started saying how miserable it was at the end, those thoughts didn't really resonate with me. Yes, it gets uncomfortable but it was actually very sad for me to think about the days ending of having life growing INSIDE of me.

40 weeks came and went. The midwives told me that they would "allow" me to go until 42 weeks but would then have to be induced. 41.5 weeks and no signs of anything other than a super cozy wiggly baby. Our induction time was scheduled for 2 days later and thankfully was a day that our favorite midwife would be at the hospital. Praise!

March 7, 2018 -- The alarm went off at 5:45 AM. So many waves of emotions that are still so clear in my mind. Chris rolled over to hug me and we prayed together. Before our feet hit the ground I asked Chris if he was ready to go get this baby! He replied with "Yes! And you're going to do great!"

It was a teary morning as I treasured the last few hours of being home, feeling the baby inside of me. I wrote down these thoughts:

"Memories of this morning will be forever etched in my mind. Chris rolling over to hug me and the baby one last time. The most bittersweet feeling to know that this will be the last time for that but we will be holding this miracle so very soon in exchange for missing out on those wiggles. Through tears I blubbered out, “We will get to experience this again.” Chris agreed. Jesus, I’m calling forth and believing for more miracle babies. Do your thing. We love you and we trust you."

We got to the hospital shortly after 8 AM greeted by Shelby the great! :) A friendly, familiar face was such a welcome sight as we got off the elevator on the labor & delivery floor. Room #2021 would be our home for the day. When she asked if we were ready to do this, I said I was as ready as I'd ever be! She asked if she could pray for us and of course we said yes! Such a blessing to be able to calm the initial nervousness with a nurse who cared so deeply and loved Jesus. She got us settled into our room and I changed into my gown and socks. I checked out at about 2-3cm dilated and 80% effaced. They started my IV and the Pitocin at 2ml per hour. Chris had nothing better to do but do math of course and informed me at that rate, I would have 250 hours in that first bag. Definitely didn't work out that way by the end of the day since I was up to 29ml per hour.

'

As the day progressed, they continued to increase the amount of pitocin. Mid morning when I was getting 6ml per hour, there was a little concern with the baby’s heart rate. It got fast and then slowed down. The monitor was having a hard time picking it up for a bit but all seemed to even out then. I started having to pee a lot and that was always a production getting unhooked and into the bathroom with the IV pole and the belly monitors strapped to me. Once things calmed down with the baby, they put a portable monitor on me and let me walk the halls. That went pretty well and by 3 PM I was 4cm dilated. Discouraging but I was thankful for some progress. Around 5 PM, Julie (midwife) checked me again, and I was still 4cm dilated but 90% effaced. She went ahead and broke my water at that point. Around 7 PM, I got out of bed and sat on a birthing ball for awhile. That's pretty much when I remember the contractions finally getting painful. Chris was so attentive and helpful through each phase of labor. It was very discouraging for me to be induced since I was hooked up to so many monitors and stuck in bed but we tried to make the best of it. About 2 hours went by and then I got back in bed trying to find positions that were comfortable with everything hooked up to me to monitor both the baby's vitals and mine.

March, 8 2018 -- Midnight. 6cm dilated. My body was losing ground quickly. I tried some pain meds to help get through the contractions but they basically just made me sleepy and ultimately led to requesting an epidural which I really didn't want to ever have. I didn't have a choice about having pitocin to induce labor but if I ever do, I will never request it. :( My body just wasn't capable of producing the normal pain response to the contractions since labor was happening artificially by the pitocin. So discouraging. I asked for the epidural around 1:30 AM but the anesthesiologist was helping in a surgery so it took about an hour for him to come.

After the epidural, I was still for about an hour while the contractions progressed me to 10cm. Once I reached that stage, they had me push for about an hour. I rested for 30 minutes or so and the midwife went to talk to the doctor. When she came back she said the baby wasn’t really moving down at all but that things were looking okay to keep pushing longer. I pushed for another hour and then they started discussing the need for a c-section. I asked if I could try for a little bit longer and they agreed to another 30 minutes or so. When the midwife went to talk to the doctor again, the doctor came in and checked me. I pushed a few times with her in the room and unfortunately she still was recommending a c-section because the baby still wasn’t progressing down the birth canal and the head was starting to get cupped.

I said I was okay with a c-section as the last resort but requested Chris pray over me first and allow me to try pushing a bit longer. I don’t remember much after midnight (Chris helped me document a lot of these details) but I do remember that specific time frame and hearing the worship music we had playing in the background. I don’t remember the words that Chris prayed but I remember feeling a peace that if I gave it one last shot and the baby still didn’t come naturally, that a c-section would be okay even if it wasn’t my first choice. After trying to push another 20 minutes unsuccessfully, a c-section was officially decided.

It took a bit for them to get me prepped and transferred to the OR. Chris got dressed in his fancy scrubs. They started me on antibiotics and then once they moved me, he had to wait in the hallway until they had me all ready to start the surgery. I remember being so out of it but had to be awake enough to answer their questions about what I could feel in my abdomen area as far as sensations. They had planned to go off the epidural for numbing but it wasn’t working out like they hoped so they had to sit me up and give me a spinal block. :( After they got my spinal done and laid me back down, Chris was able to come in and sit beside me. All that prep seemed to take FOREVER but once Chris finally was able to join me, he said within about 5 minutes they were pulling the baby out. 7:50 AM. Just 24 hours shy of when the induction process began, we finally got to meet our precious miracle baby!

Once we heard the most amazing baby cry, Chris looked over the sheet blocking my view of the surgery and said “IT’S A GIRL!”. Neither of us knew what to expect but I think the level of shock was high for both of us. :) So much emotion. After some vital sign checking, Chris was able to carry her across the room to me so that I could see her. I remember it briefly but was struggling to stay awake so much. Chris sat beside me with Ella about 5 minutes and then he went to the nursery with her while they finished patching me up. About an hour and a half went by between the time he left me and the time they left him come into our new room once they got me settled. I remember when I was in recovery, there was a familiar voice that said something like “this miracle baby is finally here!”. So confused at first, but quickly realized it was Brenda Eby taking care of me. That was a nice comfort as I laid there shaking like crazy. That was terribly scary (and so weird!). I was very ready for that to stop even though they assured me it was normal.

I remember Chris walking in with Ella saying he had someone who really wanted to see me again. As he handed her to me, it was as if I was in a complete dream world that couldn’t possibly be reality. He kissed my forehead and we cried together as we admired this beautiful miracle baby we finally got to hold. Those first moments being all together were so precious.

C-sections are no joke and the recovery was HARD. I wasn't able to get out bed without help for about a week and a half. Not the most ideal situation for needing to care for a newborn but we made it work! Chris was a knight in shining armor as always making sure Ella and I had everything we needed. I struggled for a long time feeling like a failure in regards to how labor and delivery went for me. I knew going into it that there could be a million different scenarios of how it could happen. I tried to mentally prepare for whatever needed to happen to get the baby here safely but it didn't really go anything like I had hoped. As I processed through all the new mom hormonal tears, I tried to let go of all the expectations I had on myself and embrace the crazy way Ella came into this world. A few months after, I read a blog that discussed how a birth plan can be basic or elaborate but in the end, it's just a plan, and is subject to change. In our case, a lot of change. When this change happens, it's okay to grieve the loss of the plan you originally hoped for and with time, work towards embracing the beauty of the birth story you did create! This was easier said than done for me but I'm learning. :)

Something that was absolutely one of the best decisions Chris and I have ever made was to hire a birth photographer. Lexi of F2 Photography IS amazing. She was at the hospital for more than 12 hours with us (going without sleep!!!), capturing every single detail for us so that we could live in the moment and focus all of our attention on bringing Ella into this world and experiencing those first uninterrupted moments with her. I truly can't say enough good about Lexi, her professionalism, or her beautiful work. I KNOW that the mental recovery from my birth story/c-section was greatly helped by all that she was able to capture so that I could process all the details and remember things through the pictures that my brain didn't retain. Seriously was worth every single penny.

Fast forward to TODAY. Ella turned one year old. My Mommy's heart just can't even take it. I'm not sure whether to laugh, cry, rejoice, dance, or curl up in the fetal position. What a year it has been! I have never depended on Jesus so greatly in my life. So many things out of my control that I just had to go with the flow! Definitely not in my nature. :) We learned quickly that Ella was 2 weeks overdue and warranted a c-section for a reason. Chris doesn't say much but when he does, you should listen. Very early on he spoke two words over Ella that could not be more accurate -- SENSITIVE & SPIRITED. Oh sweet Ella, you are the most amazing thing that has ever happened to your Daddy & Mommy and we love all the adventures we've had with you so far. Looking forward to so many more to come! Happy 1st Birthday, Ella Jessica!

3 Years Later

October 8, 2015 -- The day I started a daily journal that would recount our journey to Ella. These words flowed from my heart...

"And so the day has finally arrived. Another 36 days of painful waiting and I woke up to the color red. The unknown was killing me so there was a faint breath of relief and then the devastation of reality sinking in. Fertility treatments will now become a very real part of our lives. When our meds arrived a little over a month ago, I knew that this would probably be imminent but the glimmer of hope that they wouldn't be necessary always lingered. Deep in my heart I know that God's perfect plan for our lives is still unfolding and that this will all make sense in the end but it doesn't make the process any easier or the least bit fun. To say that I have complete peace would be a lie. I do feel much peace due to many people praying on our behalf, but it is all so terrifying and discouraging to me that we even have to be faced with this insane process. I want so badly for this all to be over and it hasn't even started yet but in the same token, I am grateful for the finances and the advanced medicine to even be able to attempt this. May God fill us with much peace, patience, and wisdom as we continue to tackle one day at a time. I know He doesn't call the equipped, but equips the called so here goes nothing. Just me...a scared senseless, shy girl praying for courage to finally hold my own miracle someday soon. Jesus, you are worthy of all praise and I thank you for this trial even though it's been a hard burden to carry. May YOUR name receive all the praise and glory when we finally reach the end of this very long journey."

TODAY, exactly 3 years later, we are CELEBRATING this amazing 7 month old precious miracle that I continually have to ask myself if she's even real.

Ella Jessica, you are one of a kind and the best thing that has ever happened to us! We are so thankful to finally have you here!

To anyone still waiting for their miracle, don't give up. You are STRONGER than you know. Keep fighting.

Goodbye, Fireworks "Pyro" - Forever With Us

July 28, 2004 - July 26, 2018: You almost made it to 14 years little buddy. So many memories and so much love!

Two weeks ago we said our final goodbyes to our border collie who was truly a one of a kind, amazing dog. It's hard to believe he's not here with us anymore and we are missing him dearly but we are thankful for the time we had with him and that Ella got to meet him! Just before Christmas, when I was 30 weeks pregnant, Pyro experienced some sort of a seizure/stroke that really played a toll on him. The vet suggested we look at putting him on a low dose of meds to hopefully avoid any possible future seizures. Thankfully he didn't experience any more of those episodes but he definitely wasn't the same Pyro after that. He seemed happy so we carried on continuing to enjoy him for the time we had with him in hopes that he'd be able to meet baby Coblentz! He hung in there like a trooper but started having trouble being as physically active as he used to be. In June, Pyro started to lose the ability to use his back legs well and would fall on a regular basis. Some days were worse than others and he didn't seem to show much pain or discomfort but as time past we started to realize it was probably going to be time to let go. Most definitely one of the hardest decisions Chris and I have ever had to make. As I held back tears and made the appointment call to the vet, I felt like the worst dog Mom ever. It was a dreaded week, waiting for Thursday to come. As I knelt down beside Pyro for the last time, I had Ella strapped to me in a carrier and as soon as she was level with Pyro she laughed the most precious laugh. She isn't to the point of laughing on a regular basis just yet so for us to be able to hear that in her reaction to seeing him up close and personal was priceless.

There will never be another Pyro or a dog that could possibly even come close to being as cool as he was. He was born the summer of the year Chris and I got married and was owned by the lady I worked for at the time. She traveled a good bit so we would often take care of Pyro various times she was away. When I quit working for her in 2008, we still kept in touch and continued to dogsit for her some. In the summer of 2011, I was having a conversation with her and she briefly mentioned she was possibly looking to rehome Pyro. I talked to Chris and on July 15, 2011 Pyro came for a trial run and never left! Pyro was a well trained and very intelligent dog who spent his early years doing agility and traveled around quite a bit taking part in many competitions. He loved to play and hated bath time. He would chase his frisbee just as many times as we would throw it for him. He could do the following on command without skipping a beat: sit, lie down, stand, back up with "beep beep", give five, and spin in circles with the motion of your hand to cue him to do so. He would inhale rawhides that were meant to take most dogs a few days of chewing to finish and he was a great comfort and source of joy to us in the years that we waited to have human children. There will never be another Pyro and we are so thankful for the time we had enjoying him to the fullest! It's not the same without him in our home but we look forward to sharing pictures and telling stories of him to Ella someday.

 You were loved to the fullest, Pyro. You took a piece of our hearts with you to the grave and we will never forget you! Run free, little buddy, run free.

Mother's Day Prayers

The last nine and a half weeks of having Ella physically here with us has been nothing short of amazing. Words can't even describe how it feels to have her finally join our family after waiting so long and yet it feels like she's just always been with us. We can't imagine our lives without her! Our hearts burst quite possibly every single time we look at her precious face.

As referenced in my last post, I spent last Mother's Day planting a tree in honor of our precious baby in heaven. My body had healed from the miscarriage and we were gearing up for another round of treatment at Shady Grove Fertility. The meds had started for our FET (frozen embryo transfer) and we were anxiously awaiting for my body to be fully prepped so we could go get our baby! When you go through IVF and know that you have precious miracle babies just WAITING for you, it is an indescribable feeling. As I was processing all of the many emotions and feelings surrounding our loss and our anticipation for the future, these are the words that flowed from my heart...

Mother's Day Prayer May 14, 2017:

"My first Mother's Day. Jesus, thank you for life and breath to see this day through. Although this is not how I had hoped to spend this holiday, God has so much bigger ahead. Mighty blessings ARE coming. Through the grief and pain, He is so much greater. Today I am thankful for this crazy journey because of the person it has shaped me into. I never knew God could stretch me this far. I know the pain and lessons learned will be used to bless and HELP others someday. May Jesus be glorified through these ashes. To my dear sweet baby Ira Jude - I miss you and long to hold you someday. I know that Jesus is holding you so close and that makes me smile through the pain and tears. Today I lay down all the hurt resting on my shoulders from expectations and harmful words anyone has ever said regarding our infertility. Babies will run free in this home and Jesus will get all the glory and honor. Laughter will fill each and every room. Worship will flow abundantly and these walls will be a haven for weary souls of all kinds. Thankful, so thankful for what is to come. Amen."

Ella isn't running yet but her laughter bounces off the walls of our home and worship music is her happy place that has calmed her since we brought her home from the hospital. Having her here with me to celebrate Mother's Day this year brings so many joyful tears that I feel like they may never end! As I hold her in my arms each day and tell her just how very much we love her and how special and amazing she is, I am continually overwhelmed by God's goodness to us. Going through all the phases of fertility treatment (which eventually led to IVF, something I never ever thought I could do - physically and emotionally), having 6 unsuccessful cycles, a failed embryo transfer & surgery due to fluid complications, and then the miscarriage....it wasn't what we wanted for our journey to have children but it's the story God is writing through us and without Him, Ella wouldn't be here today!

Many women struggle to face Mother's Day with joy because of infertility and other reasons. For those that are missing little ones that should be here with you to celebrate and those longing to become a Mother, my heart and many prayers go out to you. This journey has brought people into my life that I otherwise wouldn't have met or had the opportunity to get to know in a deeper way. The days/months are long but the rewards of seeing pregnancies come out of fervent prayers for others who are walking a similar road is so special!

Wish You Were Here

Warning: This is a very raw, graphic and candid entry straight from my heart.

It's a very bittersweet day in the Coblentz household. We are celebrating the beginning of my 18th week of our second pregnancy but mourning the loss of baby Ira Jude who was due to come into our lives today. I am so very thankful for the new life that is growing inside of me and for the hope that we have after the gut wrenching pain of loss. The months between our miscarriage and our next embryo transfer were filled with so many different emotions that I could never really express accurately. I had to give my body time to heal physically but emotionally we had a lot to process as well. Going through loss is not something you ever get over or fully heal from but choosing to cling to God and each other was the best option we could have chosen as we processed. We did things to bring comfort and closure to the memory of Ira. While each of those steps were the hardest things I've ever had to do and I dreaded and procrastinated them, I knew ultimately it would help to bring the healing we so desperately needed.

At our ultrasound appointment on Monday, February 6th, when I was told that I was having a miscarriage, I desperately hoped and prayed that I could pass this precious life in the comforts of my own home. The possibility of a D&C was suggested but after so many medical procedures already, I was just so done with even the thought of having to do that in such a horrific time. God so graciously heard my plea and after the unknown of waiting, a week later I knew it was time. Monday, February 13th, my body did what it was supposed to do and all the miscarriage stories I had read about, suddenly became a reality for me. Relief -- God heard my prayer. Numb -- Our first precious baby whom we have longed for so long is truly leaving us for Heaven. Chris was my knight and shining armor of a nurse that day. God bless him. So many questions -- Why us? Did I pass everything? Will I still need to have a D&C anyways? Two days later, I firmly believe God allowed me to pass something very tangible for the closure we needed. Hand in hand we held our precious firstborn for the first and last time.

Two days later, I made another trip to Shady Grove Fertility where they confirmed via ultrasound that I was able to move forward with treatment again after my body had time to heal.

Saturday, February 18th we had unusually warm temperatures for the end of winter and we were able to continue the process with healing as we chose to bury this precious life in our front yard. As I closed the lid on this jar and watched Chris begin to dig the most perfect hole ever, every fiber of my being SOBBED. No one should ever have to watch their husband dig their child's grave. 

As we both knelt down on either side of this memorial, we wept and held hands. We prayed that God would heal our hearts and bodies, and that He would bless this journey we found ourselves on. Quite frankly, just two exhausted people still filled with much determination but losing hope that this was ever going to move beyond disappointment and pain.

We knew right away we wanted to plant a Japanese Maple tree in this area as a remembrance to Ira but we waited until the weather got a bit warmer. On April 11th, we ventured to the local nursery to see what we could find. Nothing was quite right and I was getting frustrated because I just wanted to find the perfect tree. We walked to the back of the lot where nothing had been priced yet for the season and behold -- there it was! The perfect tree.

On Mother's Day after I shed many tears, we planted our special tree!

 

In June, we completed the new addition to our front yard.

And this was taken a few weeks ago after all the annuals I planted got full size. I LOVE looking out my front windows to see this beautiful reminder. I can't wait until the tree gets bigger. :)

God has been SO good to us through the ups and downs of infertility and miscarriage. I wouldn't wish these heartaches on anyone, but I know that we are both stronger people because of this journey we've walked and that our marriage is something I wouldn't trade for anything in this world.

Ira Jude -- Daddy & Mommy miss you so much and can't wait to see you again someday. <3

High on the mountain I will be lifting my voice...And in the valley I will be dancing for joy....

This is undoubtedly one of the most bittersweet things I’ve ever had to share my heart about. I’ve spent the last few weeks processing just how to go about this, and there just isn’t an easy or perfect way. This is my attempt to share our story of God’s provision for those who have been faithfully carrying us with love and prayer, yet all the while weeping deeply for those I know who are still in the painful waiting season.

I always felt like I have been a pretty patient person growing up but patience takes on an entirely new meaning when your hopes and dreams are put on hold for YEARS at a time. Waiting, hoping, with little to no answers of why you are being called to walk the road of infertility. Something that seemed so easy and normal for everyone else, turned into a very long unknown nightmare of trust like I’ve never known before. In the early years, we endured the “when are you going to have kids” teasing that for awhile seemed like it would never relent. As time continued to pass, people simply stopped asking and while it was a relief, there was no shortage of people in everyday life complaining about how hard their lives were with children. Something we so desperately wanted to experience and most seemed to be taking the blessings for granted.

For years we simply carried on with life, wishing and hoping that it would just finally happen and we could end the nightmare and get back to the life we had planned for ourselves when we said “I do” and walked down the aisle hand in hand to conquer our future together in October of 2004. Little did we know that our future of “for better or worse” would get extremely dark and painful at times when the months would continue to pass with the same news over and over again -- not pregnant. We walked through the birth of 5 nephews and 3 nieces. All precious gifts whom we love dearly, but so painful for us to process through.

In 2009, we had some basic testing done that left us feeling frustrated but not void of all hope. We continued on our own, desperately praying medical intervention wouldn’t be a necessity. Fast forward to the summer of 2012, we walked through the doors of Shady Grove Fertility to get a better idea of what we were looking at if we chose to go down that route. Unfortunately it was a very dark time for me personally and I went away feeling overwhelmed and hopeless. Angry. Bitter. Why me, God? You name it, I felt it. All I ever wanted was to marry my best friend and be a Mom. Why did this have to be such a monumental challenge I was called to overcome? Chris & I discussed our options but ultimately I still just wasn’t ready. I shut down and refused to believe I was strong enough to go through such an ordeal. ANOTHER 3 YEARS LATER. 3 YEARS!!! Summer of 2015, I was finally ready. Or ready as I’d ever feel. We walked back through those doors of Shady Grove Fertility with a new determination but an equal sense of sheer terror that if this was what God had planned for our story, we would make it happen somehow.

We endured more meds, shots, procedures, blood draws, and disappointment than I can even fathom. 9 treatment cycles and 1 miscarriage later, God has blessed us with the most amazing miracle of being pregnant once again. PRAISE THE LORD!! We are literally overwhelmed with joy and still pinch ourselves every day as we process this new reality that it FINALLY is our time! God’s timing is so much better than ours and we still don’t fully understand WHY we had to wait this long for our precious miracle but we do know that our journey, story, and testimony will not go to waste. Every 1 in 8 couples will go through this in some form or another, and I have every intention to walk along anyone I’m able, to hopefully help them navigate through what I thought I would never be strong enough to handle. And Jessie truly wasn’t strong enough, but allowing God to take my hand into the most terrifying season of my life and lead the way was a growing and stretching time that I could never do justice at putting into words. He is SO faithful. So truly amazing. The author of our dreams if we let Him.

To those of you who have taken it upon yourselves to intercede on our behalf for so many years, we humbly thank you and could never express just how precious you are to us. When the days grew long and dark, we were carried by such an amazing support system that we truly could never even begin to repay. Chris and I have shed so many tears for our children, and prayed harder for this miracle than anything we ever have before. We know many of you have done the same right along with us. We have been anointed, prayed for, prayed over and it is now OUR TIME for VICTORY & CELEBRATION that was declared over us years ago. Thank you, Jesus!

Fertility treatment is NO JOKE and it takes you on a roller coaster with more twists and turns than you could even explain to anyone who hasn’t endured it. If you ever encounter someone who is struggling to have children or going through treatment, I beg of you to intercede mercilessly on their behalf. I truly believe that the prayers of many (known & unknown to us) were what got us through each painful day. Sharing the news of our pregnancy in a public way is something that part of me really doesn’t even want to do because I know that it will probably ruin someone’s day (and probably several). When you’re walking the dark road of infertility, every single “my kids are driving me crazy bad day complaint”, pregnancy announcement, baby shower, or birthday party is just another knife to the heart. My sharing intentions are to give God all the glory for this miracle that He has so graciously blessed us with and to let all those hurting know that you’re not alone, and to hang in there.

I literally could write a book, and maybe someday I will do that but I just have one final shout out to send to my very deserving husband. Chris, my rock and my best friend, thank you for carrying this family when I felt like I couldn't even stand on my own two feet. Your quiet, steadfast support was the strength I needed when times were the darkest. You are the most compassionate and self sacrificing man I know who is already the best father our children could ever have. And folks, if you ever need a subcutaneous or intramuscular injection, Chris is a shot expert by now!

10 Years

9 Treatment Cycles

41 Blood Draws

35 Ultrasounds

166 Shots

Our IVF rainbow MIRACLE is due to arrive in February 2018!

To God be all the glory!

Hebrews 10:23 -- Let us hold UNSWERVINGLY to the hope we profess, for He who promised IS faithful.