Mother's Day Prayers

The last nine and a half weeks of having Ella physically here with us has been nothing short of amazing. Words can't even describe how it feels to have her finally join our family after waiting so long and yet it feels like she's just always been with us. We can't imagine our lives without her! Our hearts burst quite possibly every single time we look at her precious face.

As referenced in my last post, I spent last Mother's Day planting a tree in honor of our precious baby in heaven. My body had healed from the miscarriage and we were gearing up for another round of treatment at Shady Grove Fertility. The meds had started for our FET (frozen embryo transfer) and we were anxiously awaiting for my body to be fully prepped so we could go get our baby! When you go through IVF and know that you have precious miracle babies just WAITING for you, it is an indescribable feeling. As I was processing all of the many emotions and feelings surrounding our loss and our anticipation for the future, these are the words that flowed from my heart...

Mother's Day Prayer May 14, 2017:

"My first Mother's Day. Jesus, thank you for life and breath to see this day through. Although this is not how I had hoped to spend this holiday, God has so much bigger ahead. Mighty blessings ARE coming. Through the grief and pain, He is so much greater. Today I am thankful for this crazy journey because of the person it has shaped me into. I never knew God could stretch me this far. I know the pain and lessons learned will be used to bless and HELP others someday. May Jesus be glorified through these ashes. To my dear sweet baby Ira Jude - I miss you and long to hold you someday. I know that Jesus is holding you so close and that makes me smile through the pain and tears. Today I lay down all the hurt resting on my shoulders from expectations and harmful words anyone has ever said regarding our infertility. Babies will run free in this home and Jesus will get all the glory and honor. Laughter will fill each and every room. Worship will flow abundantly and these walls will be a haven for weary souls of all kinds. Thankful, so thankful for what is to come. Amen."

Ella isn't running yet but her laughter bounces off the walls of our home and worship music is her happy place that has calmed her since we brought her home from the hospital. Having her here with me to celebrate Mother's Day this year brings so many joyful tears that I feel like they may never end! As I hold her in my arms each day and tell her just how very much we love her and how special and amazing she is, I am continually overwhelmed by God's goodness to us. Going through all the phases of fertility treatment (which eventually led to IVF, something I never ever thought I could do - physically and emotionally), having 6 unsuccessful cycles, a failed embryo transfer & surgery due to fluid complications, and then the miscarriage....it wasn't what we wanted for our journey to have children but it's the story God is writing through us and without Him, Ella wouldn't be here today!

Many women struggle to face Mother's Day with joy because of infertility and other reasons. For those that are missing little ones that should be here with you to celebrate and those longing to become a Mother, my heart and many prayers go out to you. This journey has brought people into my life that I otherwise wouldn't have met or had the opportunity to get to know in a deeper way. The days/months are long but the rewards of seeing pregnancies come out of fervent prayers for others who are walking a similar road is so special!

Jesus, Be Near - We will NOT be shaken!

Jesus, You are SO good. In the midst of crushing heartache, You have mighty and good things to come for this Coblentz home. Thank you for who You are and all that You have blessed us with. What satan means for harm, we are claiming for GOOD.

Monday, February 6th. 3 weeks into receiving the happiest news of our lives... “I’m sorry, the gestational sac is now empty.” Miscarriage. YEARS of waiting for miraculous news never once having EVER received a positive pregnancy result until a few weeks prior, treading softly but expectantly for a total of 7.5 weeks. Three weeks of pure joy like we had never known before, now met with a very abrupt end and crushing blow.

Our infertility journey for many, many years was totally silent. A few years ago, we started to break the silence in small ways that would help us process and heal as we have endured the inevitable monthly rotation of grieving cycles. It has been freeing but also “invited” unwelcomed advice and hurtful comments from those who simply just don’t think before speaking. You name it, we’ve heard it. We have come to realize that’s human nature and part of life but has also made us keenly aware of the power that words have, unknowingly by what seems like a great percentage of the population. Some never seem to get it while others go above and beyond to show us they care in ways that leave us feeling blessed and so undeserving. For those close to us who have helped to carry us in the seasons we felt as though we couldn’t walk on our own, we are forever grateful and will never forget even the smallest acts of kindness and compassion.

If you are blessed with the sheer miracle of children, we beg of you to never take them for granted. Those days of parenting that are annoying and challenging? So many couples like us are PRAYING for days like those to be a reality and desperately wish to experience. Sadly, 1 in every 8 couples will experience infertility in some form or another.

Today, we pick up the pieces of this new experience we are wading through and try to figure out where we go from here. We refuse to believe our story is over, and we will cling to hope that our deepest and purest hearts’ desire to be parents will eventually come to pass even if the journey hasn’t looked anything like either of us had originally planned.

We have chosen to publicly proclaim God’s goodness in this way even through the pain and continual crushing blows, that sometimes feel they will never end for us.

If you’re walking through dark times, hang on. God is FAITHFUL. God is GOOD. God….IS.

Lord willing, tomorrow will come, and the next day…...and the next…….and we will get back up again and fight. Some days we’ll fight better than others, but we will NEVER stop fighting. The devil has no place in our lives and we will not let him win even down to the smallest of details.

The nursery that has already been painted will continue to be filled with hope, dreams, more tears, so much love, Jesus, and eventually LIFE.

We love you Baby Coblentz! We can’t wait to meet you someday. Those on this side of Heaven and those Jesus is holding closely for us.

2 Corinthians 4:8 - We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair.

Romans 8:37 - No, despite all these things, overwhelming VICTORY is ours through Christ, who loved us.

In JESUS name, we claim that VICTORY! CELEBRATION, LIFE, & JOY.

In loving memory...
Ira (Watchful, Vigilant, Making Bare, Pouring out)
Jude (Praise, Thanks)
Coblentz

The Gift of Cooking

Today was a pretty ordinary Tuesday for me. This morning I put a roast in the crock pot so that it could cook all day and be tender and falling apart delicious in time for supper. I went on with my day keeping the possibility in mind that I may make mashed potatoes to go along with the roast. Afternoon came and I decided I'd do just that. The menu would include my crock pot roast, homemade mashed potatoes with homemade gravy, peas from our garden, & sauerkraut for Chris (since he's crazy and likes that nasty stuff). That was definitely NOT homemade. It's bad enough smelling that stuff when I heat a little bit up on the stove. ;)

Of course it took a lot of dishes and some extra time to get everything made so that it was ready to eat and still hot when Chris arrived home from work which is never the same time each day. Thankfully he always calls when he leaves work to give me a heads up. :) He arrived home and we devoured everything in no time flat compared to how much time it took to prepare. 

Inevitably my kitchen somehow experienced a tornado while we were eating and all the dirty counters/pans were staring me in the face. So I proceeded to dig in and restore my kitchen back to normal state.

Chris normally helps me but instead he took Pyro out, filled up the bird feeders, and moved the truck to the top of the driveway in case it actually does snow a bunch tonight. Alone in my kitchen to clean up my delicious mess, I started pondering just how blessed I am.

I can cook. I don't post this blog entry with pride or arrogance. I debated not posting but I decided to do it anyways. My mom deserves a shout out for taking the time and energy to raise me up learning precious lessons right beside her in the kitchen. Rest assured at the time I was expected to learn all these lessons, I didn't think they were near as important as  she did. :) But now as I try to take my role as a wife and homemaker seriously, I am so very thankful for those years of stretching and learning. So many women didn't grow up with this blessing and I hope that I never take it for granted.

Tonight I am very grateful for this blessing and counting all my others that are truly never ending. Mom, the gray hair wasn't in vain - I love you!! Thanks for not giving up on me.