This is undoubtedly one of the most bittersweet things I’ve ever had to share my heart about. I’ve spent the last few weeks processing just how to go about this, and there just isn’t an easy or perfect way. This is my attempt to share our story of God’s provision for those who have been faithfully carrying us with love and prayer, yet all the while weeping deeply for those I know who are still in the painful waiting season.
I always felt like I have been a pretty patient person growing up but patience takes on an entirely new meaning when your hopes and dreams are put on hold for YEARS at a time. Waiting, hoping, with little to no answers of why you are being called to walk the road of infertility. Something that seemed so easy and normal for everyone else, turned into a very long unknown nightmare of trust like I’ve never known before. In the early years, we endured the “when are you going to have kids” teasing that for awhile seemed like it would never relent. As time continued to pass, people simply stopped asking and while it was a relief, there was no shortage of people in everyday life complaining about how hard their lives were with children. Something we so desperately wanted to experience and most seemed to be taking the blessings for granted.
For years we simply carried on with life, wishing and hoping that it would just finally happen and we could end the nightmare and get back to the life we had planned for ourselves when we said “I do” and walked down the aisle hand in hand to conquer our future together in October of 2004. Little did we know that our future of “for better or worse” would get extremely dark and painful at times when the months would continue to pass with the same news over and over again -- not pregnant. We walked through the birth of 5 nephews and 3 nieces. All precious gifts whom we love dearly, but so painful for us to process through.
In 2009, we had some basic testing done that left us feeling frustrated but not void of all hope. We continued on our own, desperately praying medical intervention wouldn’t be a necessity. Fast forward to the summer of 2012, we walked through the doors of Shady Grove Fertility to get a better idea of what we were looking at if we chose to go down that route. Unfortunately it was a very dark time for me personally and I went away feeling overwhelmed and hopeless. Angry. Bitter. Why me, God? You name it, I felt it. All I ever wanted was to marry my best friend and be a Mom. Why did this have to be such a monumental challenge I was called to overcome? Chris & I discussed our options but ultimately I still just wasn’t ready. I shut down and refused to believe I was strong enough to go through such an ordeal. ANOTHER 3 YEARS LATER. 3 YEARS!!! Summer of 2015, I was finally ready. Or ready as I’d ever feel. We walked back through those doors of Shady Grove Fertility with a new determination but an equal sense of sheer terror that if this was what God had planned for our story, we would make it happen somehow.
We endured more meds, shots, procedures, blood draws, and disappointment than I can even fathom. 9 treatment cycles and 1 miscarriage later, God has blessed us with the most amazing miracle of being pregnant once again. PRAISE THE LORD!! We are literally overwhelmed with joy and still pinch ourselves every day as we process this new reality that it FINALLY is our time! God’s timing is so much better than ours and we still don’t fully understand WHY we had to wait this long for our precious miracle but we do know that our journey, story, and testimony will not go to waste. Every 1 in 8 couples will go through this in some form or another, and I have every intention to walk along anyone I’m able, to hopefully help them navigate through what I thought I would never be strong enough to handle. And Jessie truly wasn’t strong enough, but allowing God to take my hand into the most terrifying season of my life and lead the way was a growing and stretching time that I could never do justice at putting into words. He is SO faithful. So truly amazing. The author of our dreams if we let Him.
To those of you who have taken it upon yourselves to intercede on our behalf for so many years, we humbly thank you and could never express just how precious you are to us. When the days grew long and dark, we were carried by such an amazing support system that we truly could never even begin to repay. Chris and I have shed so many tears for our children, and prayed harder for this miracle than anything we ever have before. We know many of you have done the same right along with us. We have been anointed, prayed for, prayed over and it is now OUR TIME for VICTORY & CELEBRATION that was declared over us years ago. Thank you, Jesus!
To those of you who have taken it upon yourselves to intercede on our behalf for so many years, we humbly thank you and could never express just how precious you are to us. When the days grew long and dark, we were carried by such an amazing support system that we truly could never even begin to repay. Chris and I have shed so many tears for our children, and prayed harder for this miracle than anything we ever have before. We know many of you have done the same right along with us. We have been anointed, prayed for, prayed over and it is now OUR TIME for VICTORY & CELEBRATION that was declared over us years ago. Thank you, Jesus!
Fertility treatment is NO JOKE and it takes you on a roller coaster with more twists and turns than you could even explain to anyone who hasn’t endured it. If you ever encounter someone who is struggling to have children or going through treatment, I beg of you to intercede mercilessly on their behalf. I truly believe that the prayers of many (known & unknown to us) were what got us through each painful day. Sharing the news of our pregnancy in a public way is something that part of me really doesn’t even want to do because I know that it will probably ruin someone’s day (and probably several). When you’re walking the dark road of infertility, every single “my kids are driving me crazy bad day complaint”, pregnancy announcement, baby shower, or birthday party is just another knife to the heart. My sharing intentions are to give God all the glory for this miracle that He has so graciously blessed us with and to let all those hurting know that you’re not alone, and to hang in there.
I literally could write a book, and maybe someday I will do that but I just have one final shout out to send to my very deserving husband. Chris, my rock and my best friend, thank you for carrying this family when I felt like I couldn't even stand on my own two feet. Your quiet, steadfast support was the strength I needed when times were the darkest. You are the most compassionate and self sacrificing man I know who is already the best father our children could ever have. And folks, if you ever need a subcutaneous or intramuscular injection, Chris is a shot expert by now!
10 Years
9 Treatment Cycles
41 Blood Draws
35 Ultrasounds
166 Shots
Our IVF rainbow MIRACLE is due to arrive in February 2018!
To God be all the glory!
Hebrews 10:23 -- Let us hold UNSWERVINGLY to the hope we profess, for He who promised IS faithful.
