The morning we went to the hospital to have Ella, I very vividly remember speaking out to Chris - “We will get to experience this again.” The years have gone by in the blink of an eye but the ache for more children has never wavered in either of our hearts. God blessed us with the gift of Ella and while we were and are so grateful for her miraculous presence, our hearts desire has always been for her to not grow up alone. We wrestled with what avenue God would have us take to expand our family all while pleading for an easy, natural way. While the easy, natural part of that desire hasn’t been part of our story, we are so grateful we had the opportunity to trudge through IVF all over again. There were times when I questioned, doubted, and worried, BUT GOD. One our our largest concerns with the entire IVF process has always been that conception begins the minute those precious embryos are created and the medical field doesn't exactly view it that way. There is such a heavy emotional load to carry when you are taking the “science route” to create life. During our retrieval process with Ella, we ended up with 3 healthy miracle embryos that were able to be used. The first transfer was not a success. The second attempt ended in an early miscarriage (Ira Jude). Ella was the result of the final remaining embryo transfer. We grieved the loss of those we lost before Ella, including the eggs that were retrieved and fertilized but didn’t progress but were so grateful for God’s provision in easing our worries that we would have more embryos than we knew what to do with. It was also incredibly discouraging to know that should we desire to have more children and it wasn’t happening naturally, we would need to go through the entire IVF process all over again which was emotionally and financially devastating.
The years have marched on and we tucked money away as we were able so that we could afford IVF again if that was what God called us to. At the end of 2023, we decided it was finally time to take the leap of faith yet again. Normally when you walk through something unknown, the second time through it can be easier knowing what to expect, etc. I have to say it was extra hard for me emotionally because I knew what toll it took on my body the first time. We also knew that this would definitely be our final round of IVF and there were so many more worries attached to the amount of embryos we would end up with. God took care of that too. 3 miracle babies again. So much hope, relief, and joy coupled with moments of crippling fear and doubt. In early December, we decided with our doctor’s approval to transfer the first 2 embryos at the same time. We hoped for at least one miraculous implantation but would have been overjoyed with both taking hold resulting in twins. Unfortunately, that wasn’t part of the story God had for us and we found out just before Christmas that neither of those embryos stuck. ONE LEFT. The final chance for God to expand our family through the route of fertility treatment. We transferred that embryo with equal parts hope and worry. On February 26th after a morning blood draw, we got the results call that afternoon that God had indeed worked a miracle on our behalf. There was life inside of me! FINALLY, we could reveal to Ella she would finally get to be a big sister! It was so fun giving her this paper and letting her read it all on her own to discover the news.
I will not miss the endless drives to Frederick for countless blood draws and monitoring appointments. I will not miss the 100's of shots in my stomach and behind (seriously, who comes up with these locations anyways?). I will not miss having an itchy allergic reaction that caused a rash on my hands and arms and sent Chris driving to a specialty pharmacy in Virginia to get me new meds. I will not miss sitting in a fertility clinic waiting room surrounded by wrecked women just waiting for a glimmer of hope to be their reality. And while I won't miss these things I had to walk through again, I am beyond grateful that this opportunity COULD be part of our story and that God worked out every single detail.
